I recently did a book signing event that had an author meet-and-greet session before the signing event. I told a crowd of folks about myself as an author, the books I've written and what I have coming up. One person asked me after I talked about my BDSM titles how I did my research. Of course there was a ripple of giggles going through the audience. So I was honest. I told them that I hung out with a local BDSM group that taught me the ropes, pun intended, about BDSM. That little revelation quieted the group.
A week or so after the event, I attended a luncheon with my BDSM buddies. As always, there was a demonstration after the luncheon. The demonstration consisted of stringing up a couple of submissives to a huge man-made spiderweb contraption and spanking, flogging, whipping and paddling them.
My Domme friends are never content with me just watching the action. So they put a flogger in my hand and showed me how to flog a submissive. For me, the feeling felt odd. To me, I was hurting this submissive, which is not my personal thing. To the submissive, he loved ever minute of it. He told me so afterward and even went so far as to kiss my feet (through my sneakers). When I turned around, my BDSM buds all had smiles on their faces. My Domme's submissive said that he thinks that I'm really a Domme in the closet.
I don't think I am. When I do my research, and I'm asking people who are actively involved in the Lifestyle about how they feel and the appeal of it, I understand it. I get it. I konw that they feed off of their submissive's reaction just as the submissive feeds off their Dom and Domme's power.
Here are my questions: for the readers, when an author writes something contemporary, why is it that readers think the author lives that lifestyle? No one ever asks an author who writes murder mysteries or horror if they've killed someone or if they have someone bound in their basement. Why is that? Why is one more possible than the other?
The other thing I want to ask is why is it that other people can see something in me that I don't think is really there? Maybe it's something they're projecting, something they wish I could personally produce. Do I need to necessarily live that life to write it successfully? I hope not. I'd like to think the world is my oyster as far as writing subjects. I just want to give you my pearls!